My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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