I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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