were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
