Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
