I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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