So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
