You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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