I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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