u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
