you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
