I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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