I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
