If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The feeling are messing with the penis
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
