I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.