i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
