Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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