The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
