and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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