it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
