He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
