he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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