it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
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