I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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