I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
She told me I should be a condom model.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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