Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
did i walk over a car last night?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
