So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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