So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
