so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
