I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
