Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
