Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
