Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
How's work?
Spinning.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize