just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
