he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
