That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
