I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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