WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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