She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
