I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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