My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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