I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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