sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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