He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Small penises have feelings too.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
