put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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