so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
