I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
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