her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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