I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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