guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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