I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
