ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
