I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
