Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
