Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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