I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
