so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
