i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
