chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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