DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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