You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
