yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
