Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
