You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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