i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
