I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She announced her abortion via fbk
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
