he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
