i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
