Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
