i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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