Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
