i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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