I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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