He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
