My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
