No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
