Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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