rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
