I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
